His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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