I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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