I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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