Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
