if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
