When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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