bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
