Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
And then my night got REAL pukey
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
