I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
