cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
