Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
