Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
