Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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