FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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