Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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