He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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