are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
