I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
