SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
