Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
