Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
