What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
