I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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