i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
