How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
