I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
