I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
