Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
