If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
fuck your aforementioned shoe
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm bleeding and have questions
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
