the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The chlamydia really affected his face.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
