well I can't set my house on fire every night
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
