My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I know her cup size but not her name....
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