Someone shit on the floor
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
How does it feel to date your dad?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
