Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
