my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just forgot I was standing up.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
