OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
