Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
