where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
