i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
