just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
