I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We don't watch enough power rangers
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
