her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I cannot find my penis.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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