I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
