also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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