who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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