The best revenge is premature balding
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
meet me or not, i'm out of control
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Why are your pants in the freezer?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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