I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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