Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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