you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
