Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
