thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
