So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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