I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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