you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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