'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
