I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
