on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
