so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
