hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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