Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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